Motherhood

I knew that potty training would be hard. I also knew that potty training as a single mom would be harder. But, I just didn't know it would be so damn funny.

I love being in a tight spot. You know, when I have the baby in the sink in the kitchen for a bath and Isis yells, "mommy, the poop is waking up!" Yep, my daughter thinks the poop is sleeping in her and occasionally it wakes up and wants out. I have no idea where this came from, but whatever. Anyway, ripping the baby out of the sink to run into the bathroom so my daughter can make it in time is challenging. I have started putting my daughter on the potty and putting my son in the tub at the same time so we are all in the room for these emergencies together anyway.

The worst is when the baby gets brilliant ideas from his sister. Taking the baby out of the tub to bleach it clean because he pooped while she was pooping was really the highlight of my week. I had to rewash them both. Hooray. Is it any wonder I'm so tired at night?

On the up side, my daughter has the most interesting attitude about the potty. Better than treats, better than prizes, is the dance. The potty dance. The potty dance is what keeps my daughter going potty every time. She went into the bathroom with me the other day and did the potty dance for me. I have to admit, I had completely forgotten that going potty can be cause for excitement. I suppose I would have remembered in 30-40 years, but why wait?

I was thinking today that it will be great when she really has this potty thing down and just settles into a routine like the rest of us. But, I suspect that about that time, it will be time to potty train my son.

My daughter is in serious potty training mode. We finally got to the point of throwing the diapers away and just switching to panties. She is doing quite well, but I am not comparing her to anyone else. I have learned my lessons with comparisons. I have wised-up from a mommy perspective.

I took the kids to the pediatrician. They both went at once. Very exciting. Sometimes, my kids amaze me. They were both awesome! Not a peep out of either of them. They were calm and sweet. Each one played nicely in the corner while their sibling got an exam.

Before the appointment, we talked about the potty at the doctor's. Isis knew to ask mommy to go potty when she had to. And at the very end of the appointment, she asked to go potty and we went to the potty. She didn't have to go. Of course she didn't have to go.

You see, I came from work, so I was in my work clothes. Very nice and professional. And Isis, in her panties, had to sit on my lap for the pediatrician to examine her. Well, you know where this is going. Potty training toddler in underpants on dressed-up mommy's lap...ding. We had an accident.

I had to laugh. I had to laugh while it was happening. It was one of those mom moments. I knew it was coming, I just couldn't do anything about it. So, I changed her into a clean pair of panties and she had a good time showing off her panties to the reeceptionist.

I love toddlers.

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about family and breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st! 

Family dynamics and breastfeeding have a special meaning for me. Like walking across a lovely, lush...minefield.

You have to try to understand a few things. First, my mother had her babies a while ago (I am no teenage mother). At that time, a majority of physicians believed that breastfeeding just didn't give babies the benefits that formula did. So, people didn't breastfeed. My aunt is from the same era. In addition, I am currently going through a messy divorce, so what is that dynamic other than explosive anyway?

Breastfeeding was a strange catalyst in my family. It was a catalyst for me. We have all heard and read about the benefits of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding your kids makes them smarter, healthier, happier, well-rounded, beautiful people. Not breastfeeding makes them sickly, underearning, computer gamers. So, breastfeeding was an absolute essential for me.

Then, I had my daughter. She had colic. I had postpartum depression. I was insisting on breastfeeding, but I just hated it and so did she. The dynamic between me and the baby broke down almost immediately.

The next dynamic to come apart was the incredibly close bond between me and my mother. She just couldn't accept that my insistence on breastfeeding wasn't contributing to all the screaming (mine and the baby's). At some point, I think she was ready to just give up on me completely and start over the whole parenting thing with the baby.

Next, was my relationship with my dad. He has always been a pretty straightforward guy. He could not understand why I would keep doing this thing that was making me and everyone else crazy.

The relationship with my mother-in-law was just comical. She had breastfed my husband for quite a while. She tells the story that she only gave it up when he decided to choose a story over breastfeeding. She showed up and insisted that we never give the baby a bottle, pacifier, or anything other than breast. Then, we left her alone with our precious, screaming princess for an hour while we went to the quiet, oh so quiet bookstore. We returned home to find her holding the pacifier in the baby's mouth.

Mind you, breastfeeding was not the sole reason for all of this craziness. My craziness and the non-stop hours of screaming from the baby were the reasons for the craziness, but breastfeeding became the focus. For some reason, when you have a baby, you obsess about their eating and pooping. After all, what else do you get from a newborn?

So, we all focused our anxiety about the screaming and the crazy on the eating and the pooping. Breastfeeding became a highly charged issue.

When preparing for the birth of my son, I wrote my mother a letter about my desire and commitment to breastfeeding. I wanted her fully on board. It was all going to work this time. And, it did.

Frankly, with my son, I just sort of did it. And, I had less competition. I think that my daughter had settled everyone down in a way. She was the first baby, the first grandbaby, and with the colic, it seemed that something was WRONG. Thus, everyone wanted to hold her. Everyone wanted to take care of her. Everyone had a theory they wanted to test. Everyone had something they wanted to try. And everyone wanted to take care of this little screaming girl and make it better.

With my son, everything was ok for the most part. He wasn't the first baby or the first grandbaby. My husband was content to just let me hold and take care of the baby all the time. My parents were on board. So, Orion and I were able to explore the breastfeeding without a lot of interference.

And, that...that time to breastfeed and build that bond began to repair the family dynamics which had suffered. I became closer to my daughter. I became closer to my parents. I suppose my husband was able to find his own way as a result. Overall, the breastfeeding with my son repaired the destruction of all the problems with my daughter. The closeness he showed me taught me all over again how to be close in general and allowed me to be close to my family once again. The breastfeeding bond went well beyond just me and the baby. It reached out to the whole family.

• Sylko @ Chaotic Mama—Breastfeeding Carnival: Family and Breastfeeding
• Timbra @ Bosoms & Babes—Legacy of Breastfeeding
• Kym @ Twinside Out—“One knows not the worth of water till the well is dry...”
• Shelly @ Lousy Mom—Family Dynamite
• Natasha @naturalurbanmama—Family and Breastfeeding
• Claire @ The Adventures of Lactating Girl—Breastfeeding In My Family
• And of course the guest poster on the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Blog today is Rachel Langshall—Breastfeeding and Family

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival! This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to http://www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about mothering through breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

Breastfeeding was my first hint that I was a lousy mother. It’s supposed to be natural, easy. Not for me! Breastfeeding was a crazy disaster. I didn’t know how to do it. Isis didn’t know how to do it. And, strangely, neither of us enjoyed it.

I really thought I knew about breastfeeding. As a labor and delivery nurse, I had helped scores of women with breastfeeding. How could I not know how to do it? How could my baby not know how to do it? What else was she built for at that stage?

And, how could we not enjoy it? Everyone says it is so wonderful. How could it not be wonderful?!?

Breastfeeding was my first hint that this motherhood thing was not going to go smoothly or as expected. In addition, breastfeeding was my first clue that being a mother meant that not a single thing was in my control anymore. Babies have to eat when they are hungry and that has nothing to do with my schedule. Breastfeeding a baby means being ready to expose yourself at any moment to make the baby happy. This was all WAY out of my comfort zone.

Before having a baby, you think about things like pushing the baby in the stroller on a warm Spring morning. You think about kissing the baby while he or she is sleeping. You think about the baby grinning at you. You do not think about being too exhausted to see straight, having baby spit-up on the inside of your brassiere in public, or trying to find a place to change the baby who is covered in poop or breastfeed at the restaurant the one time you had the guts to go out.

Breastfeeding was my introduction. With my daughter, the breastfeeding didn’t last long. Frankly, if the baby doesn’t like it, nothing else matters. It will end. I tried everything to impose my will and get her liking it again, but learned quickly that imposing your will on a baby is simply a recipe for insanity.

By the time my son came around, I had fully accepted that I was no longer in control of my own life. Realizing I was a slave to the baby’s whims, I was able to relax and enjoy breastfeeding. I told myself that this time I was going to just let it go. I was going to watch TV (something I actively avoided before). I was going to sit on the couch a lot. I was going to just follow the baby’s lead and allow him the time to develop his own schedule before I tried to do anything. This was a fully successful strategy. We both enjoy breastfeeding.

I don’t know that I would have ever learned to quit stressing and just let the kids rule if not for breastfeeding. I would probably have been trying to impose my personal order on the kids still.

Now, I’m not saying we have licorice for breakfast or that we color on the walls. My kids have order, discipline, and reason in their lives. But, as the mom, I cannot have a life separate from my kids. I have to vacuum while they are in their high chairs. I cannot take them out of the house, even if it is planned, if they didn’t sleep well and need an extra nap. I can’t decide that we have to do too many errands at one time. Things that work for me don’t work for them and I have to do what works for them. This is the lesson of breastfeeding for me.

This lesson has a strange effect. Once I learned it, I was happy. I fought so hard against giving myself over to my kids completely. I thought I was losing myself. But, when I finally did, I found that I didn’t lose anything. My kids and I are now a wonderful, close unit. I have everything I want and I enjoy every minute. I can now laugh at the messes instead of being frustrated by them. They are part of my life, not keeping me from my life. What a wonderful discovery. And, what a wonderful life it is.

 Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

• Claire @ The Adventures of Lactating Girl—Mothering in Second Place
• Sylko @ Chaotic Mama—Breastfeeding Carnival: Mothering
• Lexi @ Life As A Mommy—Breastfeeding for Me
• Timbra @ Bosoms & Babes—The Mother I never thought I'd Be
• Shelly @ Lousy Mom—Breastfeeding taught me I'm a lousy mom
• Natasha @ naturalurbanmama—Mothering through Brestfeeding:as Mother Nature intended
• Renee @ Just the 5 of us!—Nursing says it best
• Kaitlin Rose @ Bring Birth Home—Nurturing the (Nursing) Mother
• Kate @ KateIsFun—Breastfeeding and Mothering
• Emily @ Baby Dickey—How breastfeeding has shaped my role as a mother
• And of course the guest poster on the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Blog today is Katherine Anderson—Mothering Defined by Nursing