Tips for natural childbirth

Top ten things I recommend if you are trying to have a natural childbirth:

1. TAKE A CLASS. So many people say, "I just think I'll try going natural." Its not like trying a new brand of cola. Its the biggest workout of your life with a ton of pain. You probably wouldn't try to run a 10K race without training. Or...maybe you would. This will probably turn out the same way. Classes give you some training for how to do it.

2. Sure, sure, write a birth plan and take it with you, but also GET YOUR DOCTOR TO WRITE YOUR DESIRES AS OFFICIAL ORDERS. Almost all hospitals have some sort of standard orders that include things like continuous monitoring. If you don't want those things, you have to get orders from your doctor.

3. TELL YOUR NURSE TO BACK OFF. Being the nurse for someone in labor is WAY easier if that person has pain medication or an epidural. So, even though you have said you want to go natural, your nurse is going to want to come in to your room every five minutes and offer you the "option" of an epidural. Tell the nurse not to EVER offer. Frankly, you may just forget that it is an option at all. You'll be busy reaching a primitive, animalistic state of being in pain.

4. DON'T LET THEM BREAK YOUR WATER. When the doctor comes in and breaks your water, the contractions hurt so much more, there are more risks for you and baby and the official timer starts. Doctors can't figure out for the life of them how babies were born before they controlled the process. They were born just fine. The longer you go without your water breaking, the more likely you are to make it.

5. TRY NOT TO LET THEM INDUCE OR AUGMENT your labor. When they start talking about giving you Pitocin or "something to speed up the process" just say no. Sometimes, it is necessary. If there is a problem, if your water is broken and you've stopped laboring (see #4), or if you just want the madness to end. But, again, these drugs make it all more painful and unless there is a real reason, don't do it.

As another note on inductions, please remember that term for babies is 38-42 weeks. Doctors like to get them out right on the due date or before. But, you don't have to. Some babies aren't done baking for another week or two. Okay, if you're at 42 weeks and still waiting for a contraction, fine, but when your doctor tells you that he wants to induce you next week and you're barely 38 weeks, wonder why.

A further note on inductions is that there are a lot of bad reasons for inductions. Since inductions raise your risk of having a C-section, increase the risks to you and the baby, and increase your risks of having to have pain medication, know why you are having one and be critical. If your doctor is going out of town, so what? The doctor is there at the end for just long enough to catch your baby and give you some stitches. So, sure, you might have some strange guy looking at your crotch for half an hour, but you're going to take risks and change your baby's birthday over that. Hell, is that worse than anything that happened to you in college?

Know that ultrasound estimates about baby weight are wildly inaccurate and your doctor actually has no way of knowing how much your body will open to let that baby out. In addition, the growth of your baby actually slows down at term. So, when they tell you that your baby is really big and they don't want you to have to go to C-section because you can't get the baby out, they're probably full of crap and have tickets to something on the weekend.

My favorite is the argument that no woman should have to endure pregnancy that long. Yeah. Have you ever had a baby? I would totally be pregnant for another month just to be able to go to a movie or get away from the couch and the breastfeeding and the no sleep and the screaming and the.... You get it. Let it ride.

6. Was I on 6? GET OUT OF THE BED!! If you let them put continuous monitoring on you, you will be tied to the bed. This means that you have a higher risk of your baby turning in a way that makes it harder for you to push out. It also means that you risk things like a drop in blood pressure that can injure your baby. Plus, when you lay in the bed, your pelvic area smooshes down a bit. It gets bigger when you're up moving. There is a reason women pee while squatting and that it is actually a little difficult for us to use bed pans.

So, get up. Walk, sit on a birthing ball, do a hula dance, lean over your bed and sway, get on your hands and knees and crawl, just sit up and lean over. Anything. Get out of the laying down position as much as you can. To do this, see #2. You have to get your doctor to write an order that it is okay for the nurse to just listen to the baby's heartbeat once an hour for a few minutes. This will give you the freedom.

7. If you can, GET IN THE WATER. Sweet, sweet water. Trust me, this really helps with the pain. I had serious doubts, but oh lordy, it is truly wonderful.

8. WAIT AS LONG AS YOU CAN TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Okay, if your last baby came out in half an hour, disregard this, but especially if this is your first baby, stay at home as long as you can. It is much easier to be calm and relaxed at home. In addition, when you're at home, you can eat, drink, move around freely, etc. This isn't going to happen in the hospital. So, wait as long as you can. In addition, if you go to the hospital and you're only dilated to a 2, just tell them you want to go home and come back in a couple of hours. You'll be better off for it. They don't want to do the paperwork, but its not about their workday, its about you and your baby.

9. REMEMBER THAT IT IS ABOUT YOU. Make sure not to be afraid to say what you want or get what you want out of the experience. For the doctors and nurses, it is just another workday and they will often treat you as such. Just like in your workday you may rush some things and try to ignore other things, so will they. Make sure you are getting what YOU want. After all, if they hate you at the end of the day, so what. They'll go home and forget all about it after dinner, but this is the day you had your child. You will remember it forever. (I'm not saying be mean, however. In fact, to really have a great experience, bring some chocolates or something. Nurses are suckers for any kind of free food or sweets.)

10. BRING A FRIEND. Doulas are wonderful. Partners can be wonderful, but if your partner won't be massaging you and breathing with you, bring someone who will. Someone who won't take offense when that wonderful thing she or he has been doing suddenly makes you yell, "stop it!"

I guess I should tack on the disclaimer that none of this should be taken as medical advice and all of this should be thoroughly discussed with your doctor. Frankly, though, they're really good ideas.