Silence is essential

I am having a moment of silence. The kids are both napping. My husband is out running an errand. The TV is off. There are no noisy toys, music, or silly running games happening. It is quiet. And I have missed this.

The one thing I really will never get used to with children is the noise. Constant noise. From the need to fill spaces with endless renditions of "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" to the (shudder) singing toys, there is so much noise with children.

About two months ago, there was an article in Newsweek. Here's the link: http://www.newsweek.com/id/219010. In it, she talks about the value of silence. She quotes an author who wrote that living in a silent environment "her physical sensations were heightened (she was overwhelmed by the deliciousness of porridge, heard different notes in the wind, was more sensitive to temperature, and emotional)".

I know this feeling well. With too much noise, I start to shut down. I can't take it. My senses curl in on themselves. Give me time in silence, however, and I wake up. I become alive in so many ways.

People have suggested earplugs to me. I use them to sleep often. But, when the baby is crying, the toddler is playing with those horrible popper toys, my husband is excited to explain at length something from work, earplugs make it worse. It feels like I have closed a door on my ears and everything is banging on the door to get in. I can still hear, it is just heard through foam.

No, the real joy is silence. Pure and golden.

I have never really been a person to listen to music when I am alone. Maybe when I am cooking, but cooking is a singing, dancing, move your hips kind of experience. No, alone, I like to turn off everything and have quiet moments. Silence allows me to truly get lost in a book. When I set it down, it is hard for me to remember where I am. Drinking a cup of tea is so incredibly warming and relieving when it is silent. A single cookie can be the most astonishing taste on earth when it is quiet enough for me to really focus on the taste.

Maybe this is one reason I am not ready to give up nursing my son. In the middle of the night, with him nursing, everything is quiet. It exhausts me to wake up every night. It robs me of the ability to be sharp. But, in my life, there is no moment more enjoyable than those moments of silence. I'm willing to lose a little of my sleep and sanity for those stolen moments of silence with my son.