Potty humor

Potty-training a toddler involves a lot of funny-sad stories about poop and pee. These are not those stories.

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I used to work with a woman who could only talk about poop. When I knew her, she was 30, her mother was 45, and her grandmother was 60. She didn't have any kids. I told her all the time that she was running 15 years behind. That never got old...for me.

She loved to relate her personal experiences with pooping. She would talk about the "turtle-head" she had on the beach or the time she thought she was passing gas, but was actually pooping. That never got old...for her.

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On one of the nursing units I used to work on, the medical director was a fairly intimidating man. He did not invite confidences and he did not suffer fools.

One morning, the doctors all got together for rounds in the break room like usual. They had their discussion and then went to see patients. When the medical director stood up, it was obvious he had a problem. A large, brown stain was spreading across the back of his white coat. How anyone could not notice that they had that sort of accident, I don't know. But, he did not go into the bathroom or change. He finished rounds.

While all the doctors and patients were busy not telling him about his embarrassing mess, we staff were busy taking the chair to the hazardous waste incinerator.

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Hiking in Peru, three members of our group were significantly faster. Each day, we would all start out together, but this trio would soon disappear. We would reach them waiting for us at the lunch or dinner spot.

The trio consisted of a married couple and one other guy. One day at lunch, they were laughing at the lack of coverage on the hike for "necessities." We had all noticed that the vegetation that day was sparse and "doing our business" interesting.

The lady said, "I thought I had found a good spot at a turn in the path, but just as I was getting my shoes off, Paul came around the corner."

Her shoes?

She said, "Well, you have to take your shoes off.I can't get my pants off over them."

Her pants?

This woman was stripping to pee in the woods.

The women in the group kindly took her into the woods that night and we held a class (staged an intervention?) on how to pee in the woods.