Petty party

Divorces are just invitations to pettiness. I can't seem to help making petty comments to the effect of, "poor baby. Buck up and deal with it." He can't seem to help doing petty things like locking me out of the joint accounts that only I am paying on. (FYI- the only thing that accomplishes is making it more difficult for me to make the payments on time.)

Everybody acts like an idiot. People take sides and get vitriolic. The more unsteady take one side then the other. People try to look like they've cared all along or not cared all along. The reality is totally lost in the process.

The only truth in a divorce is momentary and fleeting. The only reality is how it all looks from the 20-year-later view. Everybody and everything looks better in the rear-view mirror.

The good news is that we're all resilient. I've never been a person to get mired in regret. I worry and fall apart at the moment of change and take it hard, but then I'm okay and life goes on. My life has been big and adventurous and this is just one more adventure. So many of my adventures have seemed a little horrible at the time. I remember thinking that the Inca trail could not possibly be THAT bad since millions of people hike it every year. Then, it about killed me. Now, I look back and think it was a great adventure.

I doubt that the kids and I will ever think that this whole process was a great adventure, but it is some kind of adventure and true to form, it has seemed to make us all stronger. I feel reborn and I love the changes. I seem to have a heightened awareness of beauty and potential adventures. It's amazing how much you view the world through your spouse's eyes even if you don't see them much or you don't get along. Seeing the world through my own eyes and through the kids' eyes when I can for these past few months has been incredible. I remember having this awareness before. Wow.

Sadly, I doubt the petty parties will ever stop completely. Like a friend from high school you don't see often, you always think of that person in high school. Jeff and I will probably be locked in a perpetual understanding of each other in a breakup. But, life moves on and if an occassional petty party is what it takes to get back to looking at life as a beautiful adventure, fine, send me an invite. (After all, I don't always have to show up to the party, right?)