I really need a manual

Babies are so complex. I'm a nurse and a mom and I really just don't know jack about babies. Someone asked me last night when babies start teething and I had to admit that I had no idea. With our daughter, we thought she was teething for the entire first year. After all, she screamed, drooled, chewed on things, etc. She didn't get her first tooth until something like 11 months. I suspect our son may be teething, but I have thought that for a month and there is no sign of a tooth.

Babies have no real standard. New parents obsess about milestones, but they are truly meaningless. At some point your baby will probably crawl. At some point, they will probably walk, and at some point they will probably be potty trained. People are so proud to tell you that their child walked really early. They act as if it is a sign that their child will cure cancer in their 20's. In reality, the person bragging about their child walking early is the same person excusing their child for eating your flowers or banging their head on the wall. The milestone means nothing.

I was convinced my daughter was slow because she took a long time to start making actual words. Now, we can't get her to stop and the sentences are the worst. She is pretty demanding. A little dictator in light up shoes. I'm waiting for her to say, "off with your head" in her cute toddler voice.

In relating to my kids, I am a little like a cat. My sister-in-law says that cats think things will always be the same as they are right now. If you take a cat to the vet, they investigate, get upset, and then settle in for a permanent life there. I have that with my daughter. At each developmental stage, I am fascinated, then upset. It will bother me that she is so demanding or that she will have to follow a certain routine. Then, I settle in. I become convinced somehow that she will always be exactly this way. Somehow, I assume I will be explaining to her college friends why she always forgets the number 7 and telling her future husband that he has to let her put the potty seat on the toilet, not do it himself. In this way, the next developmental stage always takes me by complete surprise. Woah, she actually remembered to say "thank you" when someone gave her something, not when she gave someone else something.

The differrence between having one child and two children is really related to the instructions. With our daughter, we spent hours, days, months trying to figure out the instructions, trying to get the hang of it, trying to figure out what was going to come next. With our son, we just watch it happen.

"Neat. Look honey, he can drool on his toes now."