First day of daycare reprise

Today was the first day of daycare for Orion and preschool for Isis. They did great! I was a mess.

I decided on today because I had a lot more time today to be around. And, I was around. It took the gentle suggestion of four different teachers to finally get me out the door this morning. Then, I called a couple of times and lurked around, peeking in the windows at lunch. I waited as long as I could and still went to pick them up a couple of hours early.

When I dropped them off, Isis insisted on seeing Orion's classroom and once asked if we could go to my office, but after seeing the classroom pet and spying the computer, she gave me a half-hearted "good bye, Mommy" and ignored me until I left. Orion was equally happy. I held him for a little while until he acclimated to all the kids around, but then he wanted to get down and play with trains. Once he had trains and a new friend, I was a nonentity.

I, on the other hand, was not dealing well at all. I bawled all the way to my office and locked myself in for a little teary work. My whole day was a fog of worry. I was so afraid that they would be unhappy that I made myself miserable.

At the end of the day, Orion was ready to go. He was playing happily, but when he saw me, he started to cry and he clung to me until we left. He was tired. It was all so new.

Isis, however, did not want to leave. She wanted to keep playing. She was pretty unhappy that I was pulling her away from story time.

I hope it goes well. I have so many misgivings. I'm worried they won't get enough cuddles, although their teachers showed me pictures of them getting cuddles today. I'm worried about the illnesses. I'm worried about my energy level getting them ready to go every morning and having to make dinner after picking them up every night when they are already tired and cranky. But mostly, like with everything else, I worry, "will they be happy?"

Isis has developed into the happiest little girl in the last few months. It is an amazing change. She was always so serious and intense. Seeing her this happy is so wonderful and I want to do anything possible to maintain that. Today, the teachers let Orion and Isis get together at one point and Isis had a screaming fit at the end because she did not want to leave Orion. I worry she will miss him too much.

On the other hand, I love that they are so close. They really love to play together. Isis is having some typical issues for her age. We have to work on sharing, but she is so sweet with him and no one can make him giggle the way she does. He sometimes laughs just with the joy of seeing her.

It was so much of the reason we had a second baby. I so hoped that Isis would love and play with him and he would help her be happy. To see it happen makes me teary with joy. I wish I could hold and cuddle them all the time, day in and day out. But, being able to give them happiness in many different ways is the real goal. Sometimes, it is just hard on mommy.