Family dynamite

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about family and breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st! 

Family dynamics and breastfeeding have a special meaning for me. Like walking across a lovely, lush...minefield.

You have to try to understand a few things. First, my mother had her babies a while ago (I am no teenage mother). At that time, a majority of physicians believed that breastfeeding just didn't give babies the benefits that formula did. So, people didn't breastfeed. My aunt is from the same era. In addition, I am currently going through a messy divorce, so what is that dynamic other than explosive anyway?

Breastfeeding was a strange catalyst in my family. It was a catalyst for me. We have all heard and read about the benefits of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding your kids makes them smarter, healthier, happier, well-rounded, beautiful people. Not breastfeeding makes them sickly, underearning, computer gamers. So, breastfeeding was an absolute essential for me.

Then, I had my daughter. She had colic. I had postpartum depression. I was insisting on breastfeeding, but I just hated it and so did she. The dynamic between me and the baby broke down almost immediately.

The next dynamic to come apart was the incredibly close bond between me and my mother. She just couldn't accept that my insistence on breastfeeding wasn't contributing to all the screaming (mine and the baby's). At some point, I think she was ready to just give up on me completely and start over the whole parenting thing with the baby.

Next, was my relationship with my dad. He has always been a pretty straightforward guy. He could not understand why I would keep doing this thing that was making me and everyone else crazy.

The relationship with my mother-in-law was just comical. She had breastfed my husband for quite a while. She tells the story that she only gave it up when he decided to choose a story over breastfeeding. She showed up and insisted that we never give the baby a bottle, pacifier, or anything other than breast. Then, we left her alone with our precious, screaming princess for an hour while we went to the quiet, oh so quiet bookstore. We returned home to find her holding the pacifier in the baby's mouth.

Mind you, breastfeeding was not the sole reason for all of this craziness. My craziness and the non-stop hours of screaming from the baby were the reasons for the craziness, but breastfeeding became the focus. For some reason, when you have a baby, you obsess about their eating and pooping. After all, what else do you get from a newborn?

So, we all focused our anxiety about the screaming and the crazy on the eating and the pooping. Breastfeeding became a highly charged issue.

When preparing for the birth of my son, I wrote my mother a letter about my desire and commitment to breastfeeding. I wanted her fully on board. It was all going to work this time. And, it did.

Frankly, with my son, I just sort of did it. And, I had less competition. I think that my daughter had settled everyone down in a way. She was the first baby, the first grandbaby, and with the colic, it seemed that something was WRONG. Thus, everyone wanted to hold her. Everyone wanted to take care of her. Everyone had a theory they wanted to test. Everyone had something they wanted to try. And everyone wanted to take care of this little screaming girl and make it better.

With my son, everything was ok for the most part. He wasn't the first baby or the first grandbaby. My husband was content to just let me hold and take care of the baby all the time. My parents were on board. So, Orion and I were able to explore the breastfeeding without a lot of interference.

And, that...that time to breastfeed and build that bond began to repair the family dynamics which had suffered. I became closer to my daughter. I became closer to my parents. I suppose my husband was able to find his own way as a result. Overall, the breastfeeding with my son repaired the destruction of all the problems with my daughter. The closeness he showed me taught me all over again how to be close in general and allowed me to be close to my family once again. The breastfeeding bond went well beyond just me and the baby. It reached out to the whole family.

• Sylko @ Chaotic Mama—Breastfeeding Carnival: Family and Breastfeeding
• Timbra @ Bosoms & Babes—Legacy of Breastfeeding
• Kym @ Twinside Out—“One knows not the worth of water till the well is dry...”
• Shelly @ Lousy Mom—Family Dynamite
• Natasha @naturalurbanmama—Family and Breastfeeding
• Claire @ The Adventures of Lactating Girl—Breastfeeding In My Family
• And of course the guest poster on the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Blog today is Rachel Langshall—Breastfeeding and Family