I have been reading a ton of random stuff lately. I picked this one up because I was doubtful. On the cover, it says that 1 in 25 Americans has no conscience. My thought was, "I seriously doubt that."
After reading the book, I still seriously doubt that assertion, but the book was great. The author does a great job. She has a couple of stated purposes. First, she looks at sociopathy and asks, "is this the better way?" After all, without a conscience, you don't have to worry about who you step on to get ahead and you don't have to feel bad about what you do. You can have amazing wealth and power without personal pain. Second, she addresses what to do if you know a sociopath and how to recognize one. A person without conscience doesn't have any obvious red flags. So, you may not have any idea you are dealing with one.
This all sounds like a bad guy/good guy book, but it isn't. This book isn't obvious or condemning. The saving grace is that question about the better way. The author thoughtfully addresses the question until the very last moment of the book.
SPOILER ALERT:
For the question of the better way, the author identifies a very interesting answer. She says that being a sociopath is really boring. Sociopaths are always bored with their lives. This may not seem to indicate a true answer. After all, a lot of wealth and fame for a little boredom? Why not?
The very end of the book addresses this. She talks about that human connection. The human connection that keeps the rest of us from being bored by filling us with the adrenaline of the interpersonal. The sociopath doesn't have that empathetic human connection. The author states,
Picture clearly the face of someone for whom you would run headlong into a burning building if this were required of you...Try to picture that same face....weeping in grief, or smiling in peace and joy.
And now imagine for a moment that you could look forever and feel absolutely nothing, no love, not desire to help or even to smile back.
The author goes on to say that the emotional hollowness is the boredom and the feelings that keep us so alive and vibrant come from our conscience and connection to others. The ability to feel life in the laugh of our kids or connect to the divine in the smile of our lovers comes from that connection. And she's right, suddenly all the wealth and power wouldn't be worth it.
As for protecting yourself, there's not a great answer here. She gives some suggestions. Some are more satisfying than others, but she mentions something in chapter 8 she calls "the Rule of Threes."
One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior.
Basically, she says that you should treat three lies or broken promises the way you would foam on a dog's mouth. Get away. Yeah, the dog may be chewing on soap, but it's more likely rabid.
It was an interesting book, but a little scary. After all, since sociopaths are so hard to spot, you wouldn't know you are dealing with one until you are already being hurt by them. This is bad news if you really want to avoid one. On the other hand, I have serious concerns about her 1 in 25 assertion and so I suspect that we are all a little safer from dealing with them than the author would have us believe.
