I have heard a lot of rhetoric about what single moms are like. Here's what it is really like. From one of the single mom groups I’m in. These ladies are wonderful and really have it going on.
You know you’re a single mom when…
…you wish your fingernails and toenails would stop growing because it’s too hard finding time to cut them.
… you successfully go pee, wipe, and wash your hands with a nearly sleeping one-year-old attached to your breast.
…you have an audience in the restroom (although I’m pretty sure this one is all moms).
…you feel sick, head pounding, fever, and possibly expelling from both ends and you still have to worry about what’s for dinner.
…you shop and every single thing you bought is for your child.
…the value of a day is based on the amount of screaming.
…you live on hot dogs or spaghetti for several days because it is all you can afford.
…any thought of money makes you think of the amount of diapers you can buy. (example: When my childless friends say “I spent $100 getting my hair done”, I immediately think, “wow! I could buy 2 boxes of diapers and a large case of wipes for that.”)
…you see coupons and feel like you’re holding gold.
…you can’t finish a thought because your kid distracts you.
…hanging out with another single mom without kids seems like a luxury.
…you can’t eat junk food because your kid will want some.
…you refuse to take a nap because of the mess you will wake up to.
…your married friends have to take care of their children without their spouse for a day or two and proclaim, “I don’t know how you do this every day?!?”
…someone asks about your “other half” and you start rattling on about your toddler.
…long, hot baths were traded for quick, cold showers.
…date night consists of McDonald’s and a Red Box cartoon with your kids and you enjoy every second.
…you don’t know what it means to sleep in even on your days off.
…you clean the house when your kid is in the high chair eating. (It’s the ONLY time you can.)
…you’re annoyed by two parents who can’t keep their 3 kids from fighting in public.
…you look at your child support case and cry about how much your ex owes and what you could do with that money.
…you look forward to custody/visitation court because you know your ex will pay child support that month.
…you think you’re forgetting something if you’re not carrying at least two bags, a toddler, keys, a camera, and talking on the phone.
…you spend your once-in-a-lifetime child-free night calling to check on your kids every 5 minutes and thinking about them.
…you want to take a longer shower but wonder what that will do to your water bill.
…you hear your child cry and go to check on them, realizing you forgot they weren’t home for the night.
…you’re so exhausted you put your keys in the fridge.
…you’re so tired you throw the clothes away and put trash in the clothes hamper.
…your kids start saying dada and have no idea what it means.
…your day is a constant strategy for how to get everything done and still have fun with the kids.
…your day revolves around nap time.
…you can’t remember the last time you put make-up on.
…you have the child support hotline number saved in your phone.
…you can maneuver two suitcases, a stroller, a carseat, your purse, a diaper bag, and one or more uncooperative children through airport security, through the terminal, and to your gate by yourself in less than the time it takes someone else to figure out how much stuff they have to take out of their bags before going through security.
…you wake up with a butt in your face, a foot up your nose, an elbow in your rib, and you’re lying in something wet.
…Your place is decked out in pink and no one gives you crap about it.
…you’ve figured out how to make 3 lbs of hamburger last for 6 meals.
…everything you own is either broken, missing pieces, or colored on.
…you would like to date, but you think of how much money it would cost for a sitter and maybe paying your part and driving…
…you never taste food because you are scarfing down your food insanely fast to take care of whatever the screaming is.
…you look forward to a good night of sleep as much as you USED to look forward to a good night of partying.
…going to the grocery store without your kids is a vacation.
…pooping is a mini-vacation.