So, a mom sued the makers of Nutella over their advertising. According to her lawyer, they want to hold food companies "accountable" (http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2011/02/10/133565759/a-mom-sues-nutella-maker-for-deceptive-advertising). This mom really believed that Nutella was "healthy" until she was informed by someone else that it's a sugar-laden, chocolate goo.

But seriously?

How many people are really walking around not knowing that their coffee is going to be hot, their Nutella is sugary, and their Big, Sexy Hair shampoo isn't really going to make them a supermodel?

Haven't we come a long way from the days before Watergate when they used doctors to advertise cigarettes?  Aren't most people somewhat savvy on advertising?

It pains me to think that people would not be able to figure out the relative healthfulness of Nutella vs oatmeal. But it pains me more to think that we are somehow responsible for protecting these people. That I can't put my baby in a Bumbo seat because some people think it is safe to put a baby in one and leave the baby on the counter unsupervised. Or that I have to be told not to blow dry my hair in the bathtub. Or that the medication ads have to include 2 minutes of warnings because my doctor and I can't be held responsible for reading about the medications I will take.

I agree that advertisers and manufacturers should be responsible. But it seems like we should focus on things like lead paint in toys a little more than some of the more obvious natural selection techniques. It's the hidden dangers I want to know about.

Despite Nutella's claims, my 3-year-old figured out pretty quickly that Nutella is basically a sugary snack and asked for it for dessert. But, if there are dangers hidden in our vegetables or if chewing on chew toys will give my kids cancer later, I want to know.

I don't want to parse truth in advertising. If it doesn't pass the smell test, I am not going to believe it. It is the claims that sound true and healthy, that make reasonable sense, but that aren't...those are the claims I want stopped. It's the products marketed to babies which are truly more dangerous than the parents giving them to their kids that I want stopped.

Companies are always going to find ways around "truth in advertising". We need to make sure that we hold companies accountable for providing us with reasonable products and information to allow us to use our own judgment. If some people have poor judgment, I don't want that to be the responsibility of everyone.

Mom arrested for allowing her kids to play outside her home unsupervised. This is exactly what I am talking about. We have gone too far. My parents and the parents of all the children in my neighborhood when I was young would have been continually in jail.

While I don't agree with the practice of leaving kids outside, unsupervised while the parents are at work, I DO think that some unsupervised play should be part of childhood. It was a defining feature of my childhood and there is no evidence that it is somehow less safe than when I was a child.

And it is not like these children are toddlers.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/20/tammy-cooper-texas-mom-arrested-kids-unsupervised-video_n_1900113.html

Here is the number one problem I have had as a single mom: defining my community.

I am part of a group of wonderful single moms and we have had a few discussions about this. Usually, the problems in the beginning include figuring out how the ex husband/boyfriend/baby daddy should be involved in our lives. This can be a really tough call. I have not encountered very many women who do not want significant involvement. Sometimes this involvement crosses some lines. We have to figure out how to encourage involvement without crossing our own lines, making it hard to date, increasing conflict, or confusing ourselves.

Also in the beginning, we have all experienced friend or family conflict. People who decide they want to "side" with the other parent or people who don't want to be involved in the "drama".

But later in the process, there is a change. Rather than dealing with the fallout from the breakup, the community problems include limiting. I didn't really expect this aspect.

I'm not happy with telling people that I don't want them in my life, but there are some people who are obvious candidates. Anyone who makes me nervous when they are around the kids is out. This kinda freaks me out. Absolutely unexpected was the experience of finding that someone I know makes my skin crawl with how they interact with my children.

I'm not comfortable with telling anyone I don't want them around, but kids lend a whole new dynamic. Sometimes, I just can't handle someone else's problems. I don't feel good about this, but when I feel like I'm drained and it's affecting me, I have had to say, "I can't do it anymore." I've also had to tell someone I'm uncomfortable with the drama in the relationship. It's harder to be patient with an upset preschooler when I've spent time consoling an upset, dramatic friend.

I also just have to sometimes let go. I have realized lately that I invest a lot more effort in maintaining relationships than a lot of people, but now, I just don't have the energy. So, when those conflicts come up, I sometimes just step out. If someone has misunderstood me or been rude to me, in the past, I would talk to them and work it out and move on. I might make changes or give a little gift. But now, I'm tired. And maybe that's the real key. I want to put my time and energy into making my kids' world a memorable, moral, magical place. As a result, when someone is rude or misunderstands me or both, I sometimes just let it go. They can decide what they want to do. What I want to do is take a nap.

Sometimes it feels like I'm limiting my social group. How could I possibly do this? After all, it takes a village to raise a child and it's true that I can use all the village I can get. But in reality, I have noticed that setting some limits has been pretty helpful in expanding the time and energy I have for the rest of my community. And it's a good community. I'm really glad I have such a wonderful "village" for me and my kids.

Years ago, I quit working as a computer programmer. The idea that "I can't print my labels" is an "emergency" just didn't sit well with me. That started my long road to nursing. Working in the Emergency Room, I got a little dose of why the department is called "Emergency". "I crashed my car into a tree" and "I got run over by a train" really qualify.

Now that I'm a manager and a mom, I have a whole new definition for "emergency".

The other night, I was woken from a deep sleep by my kindergartner because she had decided to change her doll's clothes in the middle of the night and couldn't get the doll's pants on. As a mom, I knew what a true emergency this was. After all, an exhausted young girl, frustrated with a task, is a powder keg, pure and simple. I knew I was just moments from an explosion.

Other emergencies include phone calls on the play phone to the preschooler, falling out of bed, anything that involves blood, any favorite toy that gets lost, and making it to the bathroom on time.

I have to admit that the emergencies at home are true emergencies in a way that those at work are not. "I can't print my labels" could never compare. But even the Emergency Room emergencies are not the same. In the Emergency Room, I saw a lot of horrendous accidents. I had people die while I was working with them. But nothing there ever upset me as much as one of my kids getting hurt. When one of my kids hurt themselves pretty badly, it scared me so much that as soon as I knew they were ok, I passed out. I have never passed out from any horror or trauma in the hospital.

While the stakes are a bit higher as a manager, the "emergencies" still don't measure up. My staff had a patient wander out of our clinic and get lost. I took that very seriously. Our clinic has been threatened by angry people more than once. One of our doctors once got sick and left the clinic with patients waiting. All of these are pretty solid emergencies. But, I would leave in the middle of any of them for one of my kids getting hurt.

In fact, I have run out of my clinic for everything from a skinned knee to a stick in an ear. It's nice to know that something matters that much to me. It's nice to know that overwhelming feeling of love and care. On the other hand, it would be nice to think that it is an emergency if I can't print my labels. Life would be a little easier. And I would get more sleep.

I just signed up for a study of women in my age group and walking. According to the gal running the study, my goal should be 150 minutes of moderate exercise per week. She also tells me that I should sustain this for the rest of my life. 

150 minutes?!?! 

Mind you, this 150 minutes is "moderate" exercise. That means my warm-up, stretching, cool-down, etc don't count. Only the time I am exercising at a "moderate" pace. For the study, I had to learn what "moderate" exercise is. I'll just be honest, I've been doing about 30 minutes of "moderate" exercise a week. 

150 minutes?!?!

There are so many days when I don't even find the time to eat lunch or go to the bathroom in a reasonable amount of time. There are so many days when chasing the kids to dinner feels like exercise. How on earth will I find 150 minutes a week? I can't even seem to find time for sleep. If I had an extra 150 minutes, I would dedicate it to sleep. 

For the study, I have to track my exercise and the "moderate" part has to last for at least 10 minutes or it doesn't count. This seems like tracking my eating or keeping to my budget; something designed just to remind me I'm failing. 

Let's be honest, I take off my shoes the minute I get home for a reason. I'm done. That one step into my house is one giant leap for the end of my day. I take my shoes off to signify that I'm ready to put my feet up. As I get older, I take off more and more when I walk in the door. I've added my jewelry to the pile I remove at the door. Recently, I've added my pants. Sweat pants just seem sooooo appealing. I've seen my future. A friend who is 20 years older stayed with me. When she walked in the door, the first thing she said was, "hang on. I just can't wear clothes for another minute." 

Going home, putting on different clothes, getting the kids into some sort of stroller or whatever, and then going back out to exercise seems to me an impossibility. Seriously? She wants me to trade my pile of chocolates and Law and Order for a "moderate" walk around the neighborhood? Is she insane? 

Sigh. I know I have to do this. I know I need to learn to exercise and how to fit it into my life. I will do it. I'll make this plan and follow the guidelines for the study. I'll exercise.

Exercise is important. I know. My health is important. Teaching my kids healthy living is important. But according to Cosmo magazine, a bubble bath to relax is important too. According to my mom, scrubbing the kitchen floor is important. According to my boss, the report due Friday is important. According to my kids, playing princess is important. According to my doctor, eating right is important. According to my therapist, meditation is important. According to me, going to the bathroom and sleeping are important. 

But sh. Sh. Everybody be quiet. Law and Order is on and I have a new bag of peanut butter chocolates. 

Todd Akin's comments on "legitimate rape": When we look at our legislators, there is no reason for people who hold these beliefs to get this far. These are the beliefs of people in other countries who commit human rights abuses. These are the beliefs of those who we feel justified in attacking because they are "religious extremists". These are not the beliefs of people who stand for the rights of all people within a democracy. 

I like this opinion on the comments of Todd Akin. It talks about his follow-up where he says he "misspoke".

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/post/legitimate-rape-and-tod...

With this divorce and custody battle, I constantly feel like I'm running behind. It seems that about once a week, I get labeled "naive". I remember saying to my lawyer at the very beginning, "we are both reasonable, we can just sit down, talk about it, and be done."  Luckily, that thought makes me smile now. But, I had no idea that my divorce and custody battle would be a multi-year odyssey that would last longer than the marriage and have far more consequences.

I was not prepared. In my mind, a divorce is something that people decided together and they worked out the details together and moved on. Does the word "Pollyanna" come to your mind too?

Sadly, (or happily, depending on how you look at it) my Pollyanna attitude continues. As a result, I come across wonderful resources, articles, thoughts, etc. and I am constantly thinking, "wow. I wish I had heard that a long time ago."

I just hope that if we spread some of these links around, more people will see them in time for their needs. Good luck to everyone going through their own trials.

Here's a great article to help women think about moving on after divorce. This is one area I feel very lucky. My marriage was pretty short. But I know that a lot of women are trying to figure out how to move on after dedicating a lot of their life to their marriage. Here are some really good ideas:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alison-patton/what-smart-women-do-after_b_1307356.html?ref=divorce

I have heard a lot of rhetoric about what single moms are like. Here's what it is really like. From one of the single mom groups I’m in. These ladies are wonderful and really have it going on.

You know you’re a single mom when…

…you wish your fingernails and toenails would stop growing because it’s too hard finding time to cut them.

… you successfully go pee, wipe, and wash your hands with a nearly sleeping one-year-old attached to your breast.

…you have an audience in the restroom (although I’m pretty sure this one is all moms).

…you feel sick, head pounding, fever, and possibly expelling from both ends and you still have to worry about what’s for dinner.

…you shop and every single thing you bought is for your child.

…the value of a day is based on the amount of screaming.

…you live on hot dogs or spaghetti for several days because it is all you can afford.

…any thought of money makes you think of the amount of diapers you can buy. (example: When my childless friends say “I spent $100 getting my hair done”, I immediately think, “wow! I could buy 2 boxes of diapers and a large case of wipes for that.”)

…you see coupons and feel like you’re holding gold.

…”you…”

…you can’t finish a thought because your kid distracts you.

…hanging out with another single mom without kids seems like a luxury.

…you can’t eat junk food because your kid will want some.

…you refuse to take a nap because of the mess you will wake up to.

…your married friends have to take care of their children without their spouse for a day or two and proclaim, “I don’t know how you do this every day?!?”

…someone asks about your “other half” and you start rattling on about your toddler.

…long, hot baths were traded for quick, cold showers.

…date night consists of McDonald’s and a Red Box cartoon with your kids and you enjoy every second.

…you don’t know what it means to sleep in even on your days off.

…you clean the house when your kid is in the high chair eating. (It’s the ONLY time you can.)

…you’re annoyed by two parents who can’t keep their 3 kids from fighting in public.

…you look at your child support case and cry about how much your ex owes and what you could do with that money.

…you look forward to custody/visitation court because you know your ex will pay child support that month.

…you think you’re forgetting something if you’re not carrying at least two bags, a toddler, keys, a camera, and talking on the phone.

…you spend your once-in-a-lifetime child-free night calling to check on your kids every 5 minutes and thinking about them.

…you want to take a longer shower but wonder what that will do to your water bill.

…you hear your child cry and go to check on them, realizing you forgot they weren’t home for the night.

…you’re so exhausted you put your keys in the fridge.

…you’re so tired you throw the clothes away and put trash in the clothes hamper.

…your kids start saying dada and have no idea what it means.

…your day is a constant strategy for how to get everything done and still have fun with the kids.

…your day revolves around nap time.

…you can’t remember the last time you put make-up on.

…you have the child support hotline number saved in your phone.

…you can maneuver two suitcases, a stroller, a carseat, your purse, a diaper bag, and one or more uncooperative children through airport security, through the terminal, and to your gate by yourself in less than the time it takes someone else to figure out how much stuff they have to take out of their bags before going through security.

…you wake up with a butt in your face, a foot up your nose, an elbow in your rib, and you’re lying in something wet.

…Your place is decked out in pink and no one gives you crap about it.

…you’ve figured out how to make 3 lbs of hamburger last for 6 meals.

…everything you own is either broken, missing pieces, or colored on.

…you would like to date, but you think of how much money it would cost for a sitter and maybe paying your part and driving…

…you never taste food because you are scarfing down your food insanely fast to take care of whatever the screaming is.

…you look forward to a good night of sleep as much as you USED to look forward to a good night of partying.

…going to the grocery store without your kids is a vacation.

…pooping is a mini-vacation.