Monday, January 23, 2012

Being a mom puts a whole new perspecitve on sooooo many things. Before I was a mom, I remember feeling overwhelmed. That would happen on days when I got in a nap and read a book for a while. Now, I laugh at myself. Naps are things for kids. They're the time I can get the floor mopped.

Lately, when I have a day I get all the housework done, I feel like I've accomplished the impossible. If, in one day, I vacuum, do the laundry, change the beds, mop the floor, take out the garbage, polish the counter, clean the bathrooms, and brush the dogs, I feel like I have earned some sort of award.

I've had days at work where I helped save a life. I've had days where I've been part of the birth process. I have had some pretty amazing adventures and travels.

But a day where I get a bunch of housework done makes me realize that when I was growing up, it was just expected that my mother would do all the housework, make dinner, take care of us kids, and work.

I'm not trying to down-play saving a life. But usually when you're saving a life, people let you focus on that. Kids never let you focus on anything. Turn your back to vacuum a room and they will find a way to endanger their own lives.

Mothers are multitaskers. Period. And my mother did it without the community we have now through the internet. She was trying to keep my brother and me from somehow destroying ourselves while keeping the house together and fighting on the frontlines of the gender equality war. I don't think she saw it that way.

My mother just saw that she was taking care of what needed to be done. But isn't that what makes a super hero? A dose of humility?

I think people sometimes wonder how I can depend so much on my mom when I'm an adult woman. Frankly, I'm just trying to get a little advice. She knows how to do it all. How do I do it? And then, there are some days when I just need her to come save me. I'm going down for the third time. If anyone can save me, it's my mom. After all, she's a super hero.

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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I am recommending this book highly and I haven't finished it yet. But, I'm sure I will tonight. Sometime in the middle of the night. Until I finish this book, I will not get another moment of sleep. I can't put it down.

In the early 1950's a woman goes in to the doctor and is diagnosed with cervical cancer. The doctor scrapes off some cells. This book is the story of that woman, those cells, the woman's family, the state of medical research, and the story of the author trying to get this whole story.

Truly, this is an amazing odyssey. I don't want to tell you too much about the book because it all seems like a spoiler. But, the book is worth the read from beginning to about 2/3 of the way, which is where I'm at now. If for some reason, the ending is just horrible, I'll let you know, but this author doesn't seem capable of that much of a misstep.

The story of the cells is pretty interesting in its own right. The things people have done with cells in the lab. The beliefs of society based on those experiments.

But, the story of this woman and her family is incredible. This story really brings to life the existence of this whole inter-related community in a way that leaves your mouth hanging open. You want to hug and care for these people at the same time you shake your head in wonder.

Rebecca Skloot has taken those bent, torn black-and-white photos and brought them to vivid life and right into today. The way this author weaves past and present makes them seem like they overlap that way naturally. And the honesty with which she approaches her subjects from the poor, ailing family of Henrietta Lacks to the award-winning researchers allows you to see the good and the bad in every moment. Every aspect.

The fundamental question of the book seems to be about how no one thing or person is inherently good or bad. So, where do we draw the lines. The author could have tangled the story up in the question over and over again. But she never actually touches it. She lets us have that messy experience in our heads. Instead, she presents her readers with a clear, bright landscape to explore the question.

Marvelous.

******Addendum: I finished the book. It was a good ending.

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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Without my kids for the last week and a half, I have been completely off-schedule. I sleep at odd times. I work at odd times.

What is strange to me is how much my life has changed since I had kids and how impossible it is for me to settle back into the kid-free lifestyle. One of the things I lamented the most when I had kids was losing the ability to just go back to bed whenever I feel like it. Now, when I have time without the kids, I still can't do it. I can't seem to nap effectively. And when I'm in bed at a random time, I have the most bizarre dreams.

I also notice that without my kids, I lose myself in work. I really like my job. I love it, in fact. But when my job invades my dreams, it's a little worrisome.

I had dreams about my staff,  about trying to reconcile the financial statements, even about the Starbucks I go to.

When I dream about work, I feel like I'm never home. A few years ago, I worked a number of shifts in the Emergency Room in a row. I had a dream that I was triaging patients in my garage and admitting them into my house. It was awful. I felt like I worked all through the night.

But, now the kids are back. Now I dream about my kids at work. I'm trying to take care of them and trying to get my work done at the same time. So...pretty much I'm dreaming about my life. Everything is back to normal.

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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

This is a wonderful blog post about a photograph of a real woman in Glamour magazine. The quotes from the editor-in-chief of Glamour give me some hope. I suspect this is not the beginning of a groundswell of change, but I am sad that it's not.

Real women are beautiful and what I would far prefer my daughter to see. It's true that when we look at photos of the predominant body type in magazines today, we start to think there is something "wrong" with us. Why shouldn't "women's" magazines be uplifting and encouraging for women?

http://www.drmomma.org/2009/08/lizzi-miller-beautiful-real-woman-on.html

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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

We have a new Natural History museum in town. The building is lovely. Very modern. We decided to check it out.

The kids loved it. For a Natural History museum, they have a lot of stuff for little kids. Isis loved the big dinosaur bones. Her stories about what they were doing was pretty funny. I like that the big dinosaurs and little ones take naps together.

Halfway through our tour, Orion got pretty stinky. I took him out to the car for a change (an adventure in it's own right). At this point, I realized I didn't have any spare diapers in the car. Mom fail #1. How did this happen?

Oh well. I figured he has been pretty good about wanting to go potty. Might as well give it a go. So, Orion went back into the museum commando. I had a good time watching my toddler walk around pulling his pants up. I figured this is exactly what he will look like in about 12 years.

Everything went swimmingly. We were just starting to worry that it was time to go when we reached the last exhibit. I decided on a whim to take the kids out onto the rooftop terrace. And there, in the great outdoors, Orion let loose a flood. I see it this way: the building has a green roof, so we were just watering it for them. No harm done. Had the kids run around for a minute to stop the dripping and then we went back in and headed home.

I guess he's not quite ready for potty training. Honestly, this wasn't a bad way to find out.

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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Repost from http://keepinglifecreative.com/scrapbooking/if-you-give-a-mom-a-muffin/. Based on the cute book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" by Laura Numeroff.

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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I hate, hate, hate medical billing. I think medical billing is simply a reflection of how badly we handle things politically in the US. Let me give you a quick run-down of how the overall system works:

Everything is billed by codes. There are codes for diagnoses. These change regularly. They are based on World Health Organization designations, but because doctors in the US don't necessarily follow WHO recommendations, the use of their standards ends there.

There are different codes for procedures. Those codes change yearly and are made-up by the American Medical Association (the US group of doctors). Thus, these codes don't reflect research, best practices, or recommendations, they are intended to just reflect what doctors actually do.

When doing billing, there are many groups involved. You may get a bill for the actual facility, the doctor who saw you, the lab that processed your blood sample, the radiologist who looked at your x-ray, and the supplies used to treat you. These are all billed separately a lot of the time. Thus, for one visit to a doctor, you may receive five bills.

In addition, no one knows how much you will actually be charged. After all, the codes change for even slight variations in how you are treated. For example, if a nurse gives you the medication, that may be a totally different code than if the doctor gives you the same medication.

On top  of the code problem, the prices are set less by the doctor and more by the insurance company. That means you get charged a completely different amount based on what type of insurance you have. Each insurance company works out different deals and is willing to pay different amounts. So, to figure out how much you will owe, your doctor would have to know ahead of time exactly how the appointment will go and how much your insurance has worked out for each procedure, etc. It's not really possible most of the time.

Beyond all of these complications, most people just have bad information. Politicians say that people should be managing their own health care and looking at costs, so people erroneously believe that they can find out how they will be treated and what it will cost. Thus, billing departments are inundated by people wanting information they just don't have.

People also erroneously believe that medical treatment is somehow standardized and this is also false. Doctors treat the same symptoms, even the same diseases in many, many different ways. Each person is different. Each doctor is different. And in the US, for the legal system, we use something called "community standards" which doesn't mean "based on research or recommendations" it simply means "how would other doctors in your community, or even in your own practice, handle this." Doctors use this standard because they want to be able to defend themselves in court. But, since patients don't understand this, they are really bothered when their doctor does something different for them than for their neighbor and the billing departments are often who these upset patients call.

As a result, billing departments seem to be awash in silliness. I think when you work day-in and day-out with something that makes zero sense, addressing questions you have no possible way of answering, you get a little silly.

So recently our billing department changed our bills. The idea was to compile all the various bills into one bill for patients. Supposedly, it is easier to read and figure out.

To explain the change, they started including a "sample bill" with the real bill with explanations for how to read it. But people started calling to complain that they had received someone else's bill.

So, they included another piece of paper explaining that the sample bill was not a real bill.

Then, they proceeded to send this pile of papers even to patients who owed nothing.

So, people who owed nothing received an easier to read bill, a fake bill to explain that easier to read bill, and a paper to explain that the fake bill was fake.

I deal with these billing people everyday. I believe their office is located in Never Never Land.

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Monday, November 28, 2011

Tis the Season

For shopping with no money

     For deals and steals galore...which I can't afford.

For wondering and waiting to find out when and if I have the kids,

     The ongoing debate with their Dad draining and raining on my holiday parade.

For not getting my Thanksgiving supper

     Because by the time I fill everyone else's plate,

     My toddler has reached the throwing food on the floor stage.

For finding that Christmas is for children

     And once you have children, discovering you're not one anymore.

For children dying to talk to Santa

     But too terrified to do so.

For hearing that you can get loved ones something small

     When you were thinking nothing at all.

For finding that the excitement of the season

     Has been replaced by the exhaustion of the season.

But also for finding

     Wonder of wonders

     That I, little old me, have the power to make magic.

In the hustle and bustle,

In the humbug of being a parent and dealing with the stress,

Of not wanting to decorate, shop, cook, and clean,

It is easy to forget,

     That each little story, each light, each decoration,

     Every Santa spied out of the corner of an eye,

     Is a magical moment

     For little folks full of wonder.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Bedtime has become a real pain in the sleep. For some reason, our lovely bedtime routine is no longer the lull it used to be. In the past, I put my lovely angels in bed, kissed their foreheads, and had Mommy time and sleep. Now, I put them in bed, kiss their foreheads and have up to hours of antics.

Each night is a new experience. One night, I'm actively herding. Literally chasing my kids to get them in bed, running back and forth to keep those adorable monkeys from jumping on the beds. The next night, it is the "I need a drink of water" symphony.

Then, there are the nights when one child will happily sleep and the other won't. Those are the worst. I will think to myself, "maybe if I take the non-sleeper to bed with me, I can get some rest." Anyone who has tried to sleep with a wound-up preschooler knows this is complete folly. It ends with a cranky Mommy sending an unhappy child back to bed in the middle of the night.

I'm not a great sleeper to begin with, but when my kids aren't sleeping well, we all get cranky. It's a horrible spiral. It's when I get loopy and try to bribe them with things to behave. Which leads to more cranky behavior.

It might not be so bad if they slept in on the mornings when they didn't sleep the night before, but it just never quite works out that way.

I'm considering getting some of those Japanese sleeping compartments installed in my house. That way, when I really need sleep, I put the kids in their compartments and just shut the doors. Those compartments are too small for them to jump in, so they won't get hurt. And I can't hear the endless calls for water through the doors. You know, those Japanese really have some good ideas.

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Hi. I'm Shelly and this is Isis, my introduction to the world of parenting. I'm not claiming to be a Parenting Expert. In fact, I'm mostly laying claim to my parenting failures. Failure is what happens when you try to do everything RIGHT as a parent. Yet, somehow, she is turning out to be a fairly cool little person....who throws crayons.

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